“Misogyny is ingrained in people from the time they are born. So to me, feminism is probably the most important movement that you could embrace, because it’s just basically another word for equality”
Taylor Swift
I have been thinking about writing this post for a long time now (I have some notes on my notebook on this dating from May last year). Thinking about what exactly should I write, how to write it, which things to say out loud and which ones to keep to myself. But today it’s International Women’s day, and it seems like the right moment to do it. Being a feminist is something that has changed me so much that I wanted to share how it came to my life, how I made place for it, how it made me feel much closer to my identity as a woman.
Until quite recently, I didn’t consider being a woman as an especially important part of my identity. I consider myself quite an individualist, and I guess that’s the reason why I never gave too much importance to gender in my life. I was lucky enough to grow up in an egalitarian family: both my parents worked in equal terms, and my mother is probably the most hard-working person I’ve ever known. I have always found it normal to see my dad doing domestic tasks. I have many women around me who are the breadwinners of their families, some of them even “in spite of” having young kids. Most of my female friends are strong, independent women with solid career paths, and yes, some of them are more professionally successful than their partners without that being a problem. I have had many more female than male bosses. So, the truth is that in my happy egalitarian bubble, I spent a lot of years without seeing the need for feminism. I truly, honestly believed that the existent differences among genders were about genuine preferences, and that women and men were actually equal, not only before the law, but also in real life.
Every now and then, I see myself looking back at my old self and wondering whether I should feel ashamed of thinking like this, of not having made an effort for listening, for raising my own awareness. One of the reasons why I didn’t write this post before is because I felt embarrassed of telling my story, embarrassed of telling people that I used to be so dam naïf about gender issues. But time gives perspective, and I don’t feel ashamed anymore. Of course, I wish I had started reading earlier, and bursted the bubble way before I did it. But on the other hand, I have stopped feeling guilty: I just feel incredibly lucky and privileged to have grown up in such an egalitarian environment.
There is no simple or straightforward answer to the question of how I became a feminist. It was rather a gradual process, in which several factors interacted. First of all, I started dating my current boyfriend. At that time, he was working on gender equality issues, and he was quite involved on the topic. Even if I was quite skeptical at first with the things he would explain to me, he definitely played a huge role on providing me with references and material to read, as well as endless food for thought through insanely long emails and hour-lasting conversations.
Secondly, I got academically involved in gender issues. As a student of European Studies – which in my case basically includes politics and economics-, gender has been a part of many of the courses I have taken during the last couple of years. Through this channel, I have been reading so much, but also writing, preparing presentations, working on policy proposals and becoming, in general, so much more interested and aware of the topic. I went through data, policy papers, books and reports, I had the chance to meet incredibly inspiring women and work together with them on gender issues. And the more I read, the more I knew, the more aware I became, the more and more I realized how important it was to be a feminist.
Finally, I started changing my mind about feminists themselves. For a long time, I would have this outdated idea of feminists as angry women who hated men and shaving products, something which to be honest wouldn’t appeal me that much. But then I started meeting a lot of inspiring, amazing, feminist women who challenged that view. I discovered that feminism was actually about amazing things: about empowerment, about respect, about helping each other. About standing for equality. I realized that it was possible to be a happy feminist (or even a bad feminist!), and I recognized myself as such. Progressively, I stopped being afraid of the F word, and I am now so dam proud of being a feminist.
Being in contact with feminism and realizing that I was a feminist myself had such a huge impact on the way I started perceiving my gender. I suddenly started reflecting on so many things about my daily life, seeing present and past experiences through the lenses of being a woman. I realized that gender was behind many of them, from my harmless deep love for anything that is pink to that time when I was sexually assaulted. Behind all those times I wouldn’t dare to speak up, those times when I was called harsh while my male counterparts were encouraged by a similar behavior. Gender roles had been there all long, shaping both my behavior and the behavior of society towards me. I was struck with the fact that I would always be penalized in society for the sole fact of being biologically able to have children, that I would never have it all. And what’s more important, I realized that the circumstances in which I grew up were not the case for everyone, but rather uncommon.
Accepting the impact that being a woman has had and will always have in in my life has not always been easy. It was a long process, full of self-reflection, of self-challenging, but also of growing as a person. I found myself challenging my own views in so many things. I faced people telling me that I had been brainwashed. I had to struggle with others, but more than anything, I had to struggle with myself. Deep inside, my core values are the same that they used to be, but my awareness about gender has changed so much the way I approach them. And all throughout that process, feminism has helped me in understanding who I am, but also whom I want to be, and in which society I want to live in.
This is my story. And it’s probably not a special one, as I know many people who have gone through the process I went through. But it’s not that often that I read feminists speaking about how they changed their minds, about how gender made an entrance into their lives. Knowing that I changed my mind has made me think that it is possible to change other people’s mind if you are able to explain your arguments in a healthy way. And that’s what I try to do now. I am a proud, happy feminist now, and I try to give my best every day to act as such. To be coherent in my actions. To raise awareness on the topic. To be firm, but reasonable. To speak up for my rights. To stop being sorry for asking for equality. I’m committed to summing, not to breaking apart. To convincing rather than opposing. Because “If not me, whom. If not now, when.
My Blonde Bubble 